I’ve forgotten how therapeutic this can be.

*

Today has been an eventful day. Proceeded to MMI for wisdom tooth extraction, only to have discovered the following from the dentist:

1. I have a cyst in my gums and will probably need Root Canal surgery.

2. The proper scientific term for my misaligned jaw is called mandibular asymmetry.

3. I have mandibular asymmetry most probably because of the fall I suffered as a kid where I hit my chin against the wooden telephone table while jumping from sofa to sofa. Got stitches for those.

4. I am not ugly.

At the end of the day, I didn’t have my extraction, I have to get more referrals, and I can go back to work tomorrow. -jubilation!-

*

Reading is fun. I do like it. But only certain books.

What does it really mean to love something? Or to love someone?

Have you ever felt like you could not live without two people in your lives?

What is it like to be without emotion, without feeling?

Is destiny set by yourself, or by someone?

I have always had thoughts about how I would be remembered when I die.

*

‘Could not live without’ in a sense that without them, your emotions would be so pent up you might die. You would not be able to say what is really on your mind and not care about their judgement.  You cannot imagine a day that they do not bring emotions into your life. You would not be able to take solace in the knowledge that support is always there when you need it. You would not be able to show every side of you so that you may truly express yourself.

I have that.

*

To hear about how North Koreans take grass, boil it with water and add flour to make themselves feel full and not feel a mixture of disbelief, anger, pride, sadness, curiosity?

To see an Airbus A380 take its first flight and not be filled with an amazement at the possibility of human flight?

To taste a piece of foie gras sushi and not roll your eyes in pleasure, but yet consider the ethical dilemmas surrounding the dish?

To feel a dog lick your hands in unadulterated joy and not smile and say ‘Aiyo… so cute’?

To smell the aroma of freshly baked bread and not conjure up images of yourself rolling in bed munching on the most fantastic carbohydrate in the world?

Is that what it means to be emotionless? I can’t imagine it.

*

I guess the joy of reading comes to me now because I am, more than ever, curious to see if anyone else out there shares my beliefs, practices, habits, behaviours etc, and to find the rationale behind those who do not see things the way I do. Plus, it’s a great way to spend your day, with a nice hot cup coffee. Oh oh! In the rain, with you comfortably nestled in a comfy chair at any cafe with a view outside. Oh wa.

*

Soulmates. Life Partners. Husbands. Wives.

I don’t know.

Love and Lust seem to be worlds apart to me.

*

When I think these thoughts, I am not looking into the future. Like right here, right now, if that car hit me, what would happen? What would my funeral be like? Who would read eulogies? What would they say? Who would come?

*

I believe that you have the power to change. Your life most of all.

Some believe that your choices in life have been made because of how you were created and hence, your path has been decided for you. I don’t dispute that. But I don’t necessarily agree either.

Take for example, offspring. When we plan for kids, we plan their baby rooms, their schools, what we hope for them to achieve in life. But who are we to control who they become? Who ever hopes for their son to be a murderer, or their daughter to be a prostitute?

I quote Jostein Gaarder.

“It’s just that I can’t understand why the world couldn’t have been created a little differently.”

“We’ve talked about that already. I’m sure you’ve tried to draw something well many times, but then it turned out slightly different from what you had in mind.”

“That happens nearly every time. That’s what’s exciting about it – you don’t know exactly what it’ll turn into.”

“But then, you haven’t complete power over what you draw.”

Cecelia didn’t answer. After a long silence she said, “If I were to draw something, and I knew that what I was drawing would come alive, I wouldn’t have dared to draw anything at all. I’d never have dared to give life to something that couldn’t defend itself against all those ambitious coloured pencils.”

Who are we to control those whom we did not create? Who will be the eraser to correct the colours that have been coloured on wrongly?

*

Hoo Hoo.

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